Acaciayoungwomen's Blog

Tears in the dark

Tina — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 17:20:34 +0000

Violence against women is a worldwide problem. It encompasses physical sexual, emotional and psychological abuse. Most of us have a hard time accepting it despite its high incidence around us. Violence and discrimination thrives where the victim is not independent and is powerless. Consider this true life experience shared by a 14 year old:
Tamuno is a teenage girl who lives and works as a domestic servant in the Okrika community of Rivers State located in the Niger Delta region of Nigeria where conflicts, militant attacks, fighting, killings and gruesome violence are being perpetrated on daily basis. The victims are mostly women; disadvantaged women, girls and children who lack the power to take control of their lives because they lack the resources to do so. Tamuno participated in the leadership training program organized by Acacia Young Women Development Initiative last year in November and like other girls she shared her story with us.
Tamuno hails from a Bayelsa community that can be described as the heart beat of the militant’s activities. These militants live in the creeks but occasionally go to the community where their families live even though they care less about them. Bayelsa is predominantly surrounded by water, thus her mother is a fisherwoman and her father lives in the creeks. She has five siblings all of whom her mother feeds from the meager income she earns from selling fish. Of course, she would have paid rent on the boat and hook. Her father’s role she said in sobs “is to batter, assault, inflict pain and rape my mother and then get her pregnant.” He is always high on drugs, my mum is not they only victim she explained, “my father has several women and girls on his list and he inflicts the same pain on these women then when he is satisfied with his escapade he moves back to the creeks were he and the gangs live to abuse substance, drink, kidnap, kill and destroy people.” She has tried to get her mother to move out of that community but the woman is too helpless, she can barely feed herself and her children.
Tamuno decided to move to the city to get a job as a house maid so she can support her mother and other siblings, at 14 she is already bearing the scars of lost innocence. She explained that her own challenge is that her employer and neighbors have made her into their sex toy. You cannot help but feel sorry for her and her mother but their experience is an extended metaphor for the challenges women are facing today. Women are violated sexually, emotionally, physically and psychologically, they are dehumanized, made totally insignificant and the worst is, a vast majority cannot help themselves; they are so powerless, they can barely speak or defend themselves. Violence to them is a part of their lives, they have reconciled themselves to injustice, one could easily say, they have been long dead.
Tamuno like other adolescent girls is gradually making her transition into adulthood and if nothing is done to help, the cycle will go on.
Adolescents are at cross roads, they stand by the gateway to adulthood and in Tamuno’s case starring without a clue at a future full of responsibilities, scared of what she wants. They are experimenting with new social responsibilities: they are assuming more financial responsibilities and increasingly they are exposed to influences that make them vulnerable. They become victims of patriarchy and then docile like a broken down truck that can be pushed around at will.
In our neighborhoods and communities are the victims and their oppressors, people like Tamuno and her mother. What can you do to help stop the increasing rate of violence against girls and women? The real possibility is that the oppressor may be your date, friend, husband, father, teacher, pastor, co-worker, family relative or even the guy next door.

KUDRA AT REDEEMERS UNIVERSITY

Tina — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:03:30 +0000

It is common knowledge that education is power, thus if our society should possess effective female leaders in all facets of government, then it is imperative that women are educated adequately. The onus now falls on those with the necessary skills and values to take responsibility for empowering women as deemed fit, and who would be more passionate about it than a feminist organization?

Every year, Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND) visits a select group of Nigerian universities and holds a leadership training program – KUDRA, for a group of students who have come through a systematic selection process. This time, 50 female undergraduates came through the sieve and they were empowered towards advancing the Nigerian woman’s cause. As a KIND facilitator, myself and other trainers were invited to execute this task.

Together we worked from the 21st of June to the 26th educating these girls with information that will enable them navigate their way through life’s rigours and challenges. Leadership positions are handled most effectively by seasoned professionals so we empowered them with exercises and valuable information that renewed their resolve, enhanced their abilities, and excited them with a stroger desire to lead proactively. We are certain that if they live what they experienced within these five days they will not only achieve the needed leverage to progress exceedingly in their personal and professional lives but will also have affected the lives of those arround them, male and female, young and old, thereby setting off a domino effect of positive values in our society. This will truly advance Nigeria and effectively involve many more women in nation building.

We in Acacia Young Women Development Initiative (AYWDI) also believe and practice the empowerment of young women along these lines. The ability to make informed decisions and engage actively in leadership depends sloely on the the degree of empowerment attained. Our aim is to ensure that women are actively invovlved in nation building, and areas of women’s rights deprivation is well attended to and addresed. Thus this opportunity offered to me by KIND will be as always of immense value to us at AYWDI and we always look forward excitedly to them. Our sincere thanks to the management and staff of Kudirat Initiative for Democracy.
The program was a huge success and the lives of another 50 girls have been made better.

Click here to view pictures

Tina Onah

Group Presentation by Participants of the GLTP May 26th, 2009

Tina — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 07:14:11 +0000

May 26th, 2009 marked another landmark date in the lives of thirty students of Government Secondary School Elekahia, Port Harcourt. Acacia Young Women Development Initiative (AYWDI) organized and held the Girls Leadership Training Project (GLTP) during which the participants were divided into four groups and given topics to make presentations on. Each group held a quick meeting and came up with a final document which the group leader presented to all of us.

Find below the presentations from each group.

GROUP ONE
Topic: Goals and decision making.
Goals are what we pre-set in life in order to achieve something positive.
When making decisions we have to consider the following:
Begin with the end in mind.
Be focused on what you are aiming at.
Avoid procrastination.
Keep the right friends, those that have the same vision as you do.
Have self esteem.
Think before making a decision.
Also consider the consequences of your decision and choose the best option. Learn from other peoples experiences, and from your past mistakes so that you don’t repeat the same mistake.

GROUP TWO
Topic: Succeeding in your academic goals
Succeeding in academics is sometimes a challenge because of many distractions and peer pressure from friends but we can surmount it by ensuring that we apply time management skills – there is time for every thing. You have to make time to rest and know when to attend to your books and when to play.
As a girl you should have goals and bear them in mind always – what you want to achieve in future.
You must have a vision, make friends with educated people who share your views put away bad friends resist peer pressure because most times peer pressure leads us to negative results. And there must be God in every thing you do.
With genuine focus on your studies you will eventually succeed in your academics.

GROUP THREE
TOPIC : Why girls feel anxious and how they can cope with anxiety.
Anxiety is when you are eager to know or do something.
Girls feel anxious when it is their first time of having a relationship.
Girls feel anxious about how to pass their exams.
They feel anxious about sex and their sexuality, they want to know what it is about and if not properly handled may lead them to trouble.
Girls feel anxious during puberty.
When girls miss their period they get anxious about what is happening to them questions like “Am I pregnant?, Am I infected with a
disease?, Or is it a curse?” usually arise.
Girls feel anxious when it is their first time to speak in public.
To cope with anxiety we must learn to believe in ourselves, inform ourselves that worrying will not solve the problem so we have to always try to learn new things that will assist us to develop better.
Ask questions when we are confused and make good use of parental guidance and mentors.

GROUP FOUR
Topic: How to care for our bodies
Caring for our bodies should be our first priority, as girls we must bath regularly, at least twice daily.
Put on neat underwear.
Use sanitary pads during menstruation.
Expose your under wears to sunlight to eliminate bacteria.
Report any abnormality to parents for quick medical attention.
Avoid bleaching creams.

Chinonye Ugwu

Decision Making

Tina — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 08:18:05 +0000

The value of decision making cannot be over emphasized especially when it pertains to the lives of emerging female leaders. Decision making has continually posed as one of the major challenges bedeviling the growth and well being of girls.

The increased rate of conflict in relationships, low grades in school work, teenage pregnancies, teen abortion, infant mortality, maternal mortality, STI’s, just to name a few can be traced to one wrong decision made.

We in Acacia believe that girls need to learn at an early age how to make better decisions because for every decision they make there is a consequence, positive or negative.

Decision making like communication is a skill which can be learned and when used produce effective results. At one point or the other we all have made poor decisions. I will like to share a system which my team and I have utilized to achieve success in our corporate and personal lives.

In our quest to make better decisions we first attempt to understand the situation we are in and we will then have to answer some valuable questions, as questions propel us to possible answers. Questions are like alarm clocks the wake us up to what is really going on around and within us. These questions come in two parts -The head question, which helps us to understand the situation and the heart question which helps us to understand our feelings. What are these questions? The first question: Am I meeting the real need and informing myself of alternatives and thinking it through? To understand if you are meeting the real needs means both seeing a vision of needed results in such clear detail that you sense yourself already achieving them and then doing only what meets the real need. The real need is a necessity and not wishes. Informing yourself of alternatives helps you to realize that you probably have several options which you are not aware of and you need to gather the needed information to become aware and be able to choose an option that meets the real need.

The second question concerns your personal belief, integrity and insight to your own worth. Your decision must show that you are honest with yourself and trust your intuition and that you deserve better. This question wakes us up to our character. Your decision depends mostly on what you believe in. All poor decisions are based on illusions believed at a time and your better decision is based on realities recognized in time.

Unfortunately, most young people are not taught listening skills and so listening becomes a challenge but to make better decisions you need to learn how to listen to your intuition (feelings).

As this often forecasts the consequences and protects you from making costly mistakes. You do not have to make a decision based on fear because fear inhibits effective reasoning. If your decision does not feel right then it is probably not right.

Your decisions are affected by your beliefs especially what you really think you deserve. To discover what you really believe, look closely at what you most often do. You may think you deserve better but your actions shows that sometimes you do not really believe you do.

The key to consistently making better decisions is to choose to believe you deserve better and then act on that belief. As you continue to calmly ask questions and listen more, soon you will realize you will assume the responsibility of making better decisions in your personal and professional life and you will become more confident and decisive.

We are our own guide to better decision making and we can help others discover this as well.

Tina Onah

Grooming tomorrow’s female leaders

Tina — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 06:41:54 +0000

“When you stop learning you seize to live”, in spite of our previous visits to Government Secondary School Elekahia Port Harcourt, Acacia Young Women Development Initiative (AYWDI) was again with the girls for another Girl’s Leadership Training Program. This time, to reach out to another group of girls. So far the club formed after our first project is still growing and if AYWDI’s ultimate goal of empowering girls to become responsible and effective leaders must be achieved, then regular programs will continue to be held to enhance the effective spread of our course material and the overall awareness.

Thus, the 26th of May 2009 was our next date with the future girl leaders, Government Secondary School Elekahia Port Harcourt was the venue, and another leadership training program was conducted for 30.

The learning manual was geared towards empowering the girls with information required to facilitate the development of their self esteem, enhance enduring values of healthy behavior, enable productive goal setting for the future and establish a network which they can utilize to effect change in their circles of influence.

The methodology offered the girls the opportunity to engage their hearts and their intellects in simple ways that will improve their academic performance and proactively proffer solutions to some of the challenges which they face, such as managing anxiety and keeping healthy relationships. During an extended feedback session we realized that the girls endured difficulties like coping with pubertal changes and the increasing rate of peer pressure which consistently distracts them and results in regretful consequences.

Growing up is quite an experience and sometimes some adults forget too soon or maybe choose to ignore the experiences they had thus neglecting the new apprentice. In that room where these girls brainstormed we looked at them and memories played back the good and not so good, like flashlights before a guide and this inspiring experience compelled us to provoke transformation in them and guide them towards self discovery.

For the girls it was indeed a period of critical and analytical thinking where they learned the value of sharing experiences, asking questions, setting goals, listening and taking responsibility for their actions during brainstorming sessions. We also engaged them in retreat sessions to enable them look inwards and query their past actions and decisions.

We had the girls assume leadership responsibilities such as taking charge of their little discussion groups and making presentations in the larger group. This exercise helped the shy ones integrate more effectively in the groups and participate confidently.

We believe that by encouraging them to live this experience they will grow into analytical, critical, assertive and value driven individuals who will have the ability to surmount their daily growing up challenges, influence their peers and thus transform their small and immediate communities.

The girls were divided into groups and each group was given a topic to discuss then present a paper on. The papers they presented can be read here. This experience remains the light that has illuminated the participants and the facilitators as well and like it is said a “candle looses nothing by lighting another”. We all benefitted from one another in many different ways it was a very engaging and productive exercise.

Click to share the experience of the GLTP in pictures.

Facilitating in Redeemer’s University

Tina — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 03:21:48 +0000

Nothing is as fulfilling as offering a gift to a willing recipient. It was yet another satisfactory experience contributing to the development of womanhood.

On the 8^th of March 2009 Acacia Young Women Development Initiative was invited by the Kudirat Initiative for Democracy (KIND) to be a part of the team that would facilitate training sessions at the KUDRA Young Women Leadership Training Program organized for 50 female undergraduates at the Redeemers University (RUN). This ongoing annual project is in its fourth year, and holds in 6 select Nigerian universities. Acacia feels honored to have been a part of this noble process from its inception.

Since 2006, KUDRA have been offering gifts of social technology to young women in various universities by way of enlightening them on pertinent issues relating to their personal well being, human relations, and professional disposition. The program in RUN was a five day intensive training program aimed at empowering the young women with effective tools to help them identify their place towards advancing democracy.

Facilitating trainings for me has always been like sharing gifts or better still, sowing seeds, the result of which depends on the participants’ philosophy. Just like the farmer in the planting season, I find facilitating just as promising, and it leaves me with a lot of hope and joy. The quality of the harvest always depends on how much the participants apply the acquired knowledge. Usually we work with willing and pre-cultured minds. By relating on a first name basis we achieved a very friendly learning atmosphere thus connecting with one another easily, and learning was fun despite working on some intense subject matters.

I employed the use of very interactive games to effectively exploit the entire material and also systematically capture the participants focus fully. As we enjoyed the games, our interaction deepened immensely and there were moments of honest and sincere sharing of very personal and life-long burdens which until then inhibited the participants psychologically and had resulted in a mental block in specific areas of their lives. These simple games eased them into learning about synergy, transformational leadership and foundational principles.

By way of sowing seeds of non violent communication in the girls lives, we intend achieve a society of emotionally intelligent women capable of dealing with personal, professional, emotional and spiritual relationships when necessary, and also acquire the ability to communicate effectively thus reducing the incidence of conflicts within their communities. In the end the games effectively allowed the girls to utilize their autonomy offer and accept feedback on how each of them is perceived and also share and express their creativity.

When we started out it seemed as though we were all stuck in the middle of nowhere but with the games the laughter the tears and open communication, we dug deep into ourselves bared our deepest concerns and secrets to one another and learnt that greatness cannot be achieved in solitude. We experienced freedom that stems from the truth and it made each one of us soar to heights never imagined.

Redeemers University is a Christian university and we unraveled that a majority of the girls have a high sense of integrity, so getting to inspire transformation in them became very sensitive as some really delicate truths were being placed on the table. Of course I employed measures through the games and interactive sessions to enhance confidentiality and respect.

The environment is really serene and very beautiful, it is a place where meditation can thrive with minimal effort so we made the most of it when the need arose. In the end the girls were not just happy but realized that they were better friends after all and each of them found a good reason to apply themselves in more wholesome ways towards developing their communities.

The other facilitators and I made the most of our time in the lovely environs as we gladly accepted a guided tour of the school in a tri-wheeled vehicle locally known as “Keke Napep” we could not help but enjoy beauty and peace, then on the 13^th we had to say good bye after the girls presented their time line made their evaluations and elected leaders for their already growing club.

It was indeed a splendid experience.

Your comments are welcome, please go ahead and enjoy some shots taken during the program. Thank you.

Tina Onah

Warriors Without Weapons 2009 – Santos, Brazil

Tina — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 16:48:16 +0000

In a bid to transform our lives and local communities, I represented Acacia Young Women’s Development Initiative, in the Warriors Without Weapons 2009, in Santos, Brazil. On the 9th of January 2009, I sojourned from Nigeria to the ancient land of the Amazons to attend the Warriors without weapons program organized by Instituto Elos.
The program lasted four weeks and it brought together 40 emerging youth leaders from all over the world, to learn how to take charge responsibly without the use of “Weapons”. Our world has been plagued by wars and self destructive forces which is unarguably the result of possession of arms. The ability to resolve conflicts within us before we can resolve conflicts with others using non violent communication skills remains a huge challenge and we must work as hard as we can to achieve this.

The entire program was intense, intriguing, challenging and extremely rewarding. Each week represented one of the four natural elements, earth, water, fire and air, during which the element of the week was our focus and tool for learning. The week would begin with a game. These games are better experienced than expressed because of the effect it exudes. There were exercises conducted with very solemn, spirit-soaring circular music playing subtly in the background which would enable each of us to delve deep inwards to discover our innermost personality, explore our deepest emotions and then bond honestly with other team members, while meditating quietly on the task. Deep meditation as we discovered can effectively condition your mind to confront and surmount the most herculean of tasks. During this process my spiritually and those of the other participants was strengthened leading to a significant transformation within us.
At the program we learned by using social technology seeds which was the unique methodology adopted to represent each exercise. The methodology employed was not stereotype, they were simple, fun, interactive, open and creative. This helped us to live what we were learning. The forty of us were divided into three groups and were expected to carry out different projects in the local community selected within four days. Together we worked to discover beauty in a remote slum, a seemingly ugly environment. (There’s beauty everywhere only if we could just stop for a moment and appreciate more closely). It took all of us varying lengths of time to find beauty. When we were able to a recognize beauty, which we discovered is different for each person, we set out to connect with the people (a warrior is one who has a heart to care) empathize with them, find out their dreams and the dreams of the community. We also tried to understand what beauty means to them. With all this information we were able to strategize and then create a world of their dreams.
It was frustrating, then exciting, but challenging, deeply emotional and unique. We gathered locally available raw materials including what would be considered as junk as resources, which subsequently taught us that we have been very wasteful with unused items or better still, items whose original value has been exhausted. Latter we realized that we were able to achieve a whole lot. We built a road leading into the community because we learned that the entrance to any community holds her energy and identity, we built a playground for the kids and a beautiful garden as well. We did not do it alone, we invited people from within and outside the community to join us, the result was amazingly “espectacula” we made happen the world they dreamed of and wished for and while we were at it, we discovered our strengths our beauty our vision and our purpose. We learned cooperation, the act giving and receiving and most of all we learned love which absolutely transformed and unified us. All of this did not happen without disagreements, misunderstandings and, verbal fights. Forty young people from all over the world speaking different languages, from different cultures, some first time away from home, different diet, hectic extended physical and psychological sessions all living together and working together as a family? We were always bound to have some degree of differences. We lost it sometimes but the mental and cooperative games which gave birth to feed back sessions enabled us to bare our minds to each other honestly, and we all could see ourselves as the other saw us.
Consequently, we made necessary modifications to our individual philosophies of life and realized we could actually live together as one. With powerful but solemn music playing in the background while we meditate, our intentions for one another was purified and usually in tears and sobs we hugged made up and like the air needs the earth to live we reached out to the rest and engulfed one another with true and honest unconditional love. We did achieve great things despite our extreme differences in culture, religion, race, language, belief and even education.

Thinking back, I miss the Warriors and the Elos team. The Elos team, led by the dynamic, most talented and warm hearted Edgard Gouveia Jr is made up of some of the most professional and caring people I have ever worked with. Val Rocha, whose consistent support and encouragement ensured that I made it to the program made an indelible mark in my life with her show of love. Without them this program would not have been a success. I will be forever indebted to them.

I miss every minute in Cefas but I must mention a few, the turkey party and then the costume party were amongst the most effective ways get some really worked up and mentally exhausted young people to unwind and it truly did us a world of good, the fun we had is beyond words. The circular dances the games we played together, the wake up songs, the harmonization, the expression of creativity, the open spaces, appreciative gaze, and all the free hugs. Brazilians are amongst the most hospitable and friendly people I have met in my life. They will very readily invite you to their home and share their meal with you, then offer you an open invitation for the future and you will not leave without a gift. Who won’t miss that? In my whole life I have never experienced the kind of excitement that we enjoyed on the Brazilian beaches, it is indescribable and this did not go without very noticeable scenes of public display of affection between lovers, of course this cannot be complete without a mention of the “Brazilian bikini” and the Samba. The women in their “hot” bikini on the beaches, is a very exciting event on its own.

I am trying to live out and adopt the wonderful methodology into Acacia’s processes. Creating an oasis in my community has been made much easier because of my network of resourceful friends which has enlarged significantly. Like the Amazon, I am sowing seeds of social technology to transform life and prepare for a better tomorrow, and as a warrior, I am determined to create an oasis of beauty in all places I find myself and constantly cultivate the qualities of the four elements which I lived during the program (earth, water, fire, and air) for it is these values that drives healthy behavior and deepens spirituality, and spirituality facilitates true transformation. The program has ended but the process is still very much alive in me and I believe it is also alive in all the other warriors. It will live forever in me. This program should be experienced by everyone who really wants to be transformed and intend to transform his or her community. We can achieve peace in our community, without resorting to force and use of arms. We can start from ourselves then transform our world.

A few photos of my time in Santos can be viewed here enjoy. We will appreciate it if you take some time to post a comment. We consider every comment very important towards achieving our goals. Thank you.

Tina Onah